MySalonScoop.com on “Get Your Style Right, Girl” Blog Radio Show

September 28, 2009 Blog Radio Show Recording

Listen to V. Woods, the founder of MySalonScoop.com chat with beauty coach and lifestyle expert, Yvette Ervin, on the “Get Your Style Right, Girl” Blog Talk radio show.

Learn how to get the most our of your salon experiences, how to keep healthy hair, and more salon drama stories…

Listen to Beautyfullofcolor on Blog Talk Radio

Sororities, Class schedules, and Hair Stylists: Key College Decisions

Photo iStockphoto

As we head into September, I started to reflect on the first time that I really faced the issue of “who is going to do my hair.”  I had to think way back to when I moved 700 miles away to go to college. 

 

Up until that time, my hairdresser was primarily my mother or one of my aunts.  Later, it shifted to a next door neighbor that did hair out of her basement.  In between, my mother found teenage girls from across Philly that would braid my hair. 

 

Basically, I got my hair done wherever my mother told me to sit in the chair.  I may have had styling gripes back then but I knew well enough to keep quiet.  I can’t imagine telling my mom, “oh no, I can’t use Optimum any more I only use Nexxus shampoo now.”  As an adult, I did confide to an aunt that she braided my hair too tightly.  She said, “Really, you never said anything.”  I told her that I did have some sense.

 

When I got on the yard, beyond worrying about revealing my night-time hair rituals to my roommate from Nebraska, I also worried about who was going to do my hair.  I knew how to wash and style my own hair but I had never tried to do anything beyond that on my own.

 

I went to one of my sophomore friends who lived in my dorm for help.  I had one friend, Vicki, who was adamant about doing her own hair.  She could barely afford to pay for books let alone pay for a salon visit.  Vicki said that I could come over and watch her apply her own relaxer.  I observed her as she followed the steps on the box.  Her hair did come out straight but her scalp was bright red.  I guess it looked worse than it felt because all she said was, “See, it is not that hard.”  I responded, “I think that I may rather have someone else do my hair.”

 

Then, I went to my friend Karen.  Karen said, “Girl, you need to go to LaKesha.”  I asked for the name of her salon.  Karen replied that she didn’t have a salon; she is a student and does hair out of her apartment.  Does LaKesha really have a cosmetology license, I asked?  Karen ran down the list of other students that relied on LaKesha for the hook-up.  I thought that the list was kind of impressive but I didn’t hear a name that really had that supa-dupa-star hair quality.  Hey, I have always shot for the stars.

 

Lastly, I went to my friend Ava, whose hair I admired.  She suggested that I try a salon downtown that offered student discounts.  I decided to check it out that week.  By that time, I was kind of worn out.  I had been through my selection of headbands and hats, which included my Malcolm X hat, my jean hat, my black velvet hat that I got at a street fair, my Chicago Bulls hat, and a few others.  As a working woman, I wish that I had the opportunity to throw on a hat as I was looking for a new stylist.

 

I am thankful that my mother prepared me to make all of these decisions before I went off to college.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can I Walk Down the Street with My Hair Like This?

Photo from iStockphoto

Has this happened to you?  Your stylist spins you back around to face the mirror to unveil your hair and you are shocked and not the least bit amazed.  You either look like you are twelve again or you look like your grandma’s running buddy at bid whist.  You try to fix your face so that your true thoughts of “are you kidding me” are not quite so transparent.  Sometimes the other women around you will lie to you and tell you that your hair looks nice.  I guess everyone hates to bring another sister down. 

 

So what do you do?  What is the appropriate response?  The answer seems deceptively obvious but the truth is that the answer is “it depends.”  If you are new to a salon, you should give the stylist the direct feedback of how you like to wear your hair.  You may have come into the salon with a hat so she doesn’t know how you like to rock it on a good day.  She just sees the bad hair day you.  Or maybe, you have just requested a new style and her interpretation was a bit different from yours.

 

But what if you have been wearing your hair the same way for months (sometimes years) and your stylist still misses the mark when it comes to styling?  In that case, you must evaluate the overall health of your hair.  If you are satisfied with the condition (if not it may be time for a new stylist), sometimes you just decide to give lackluster styling a pass.  As long as you have a comb in your purse, you have options.  You can make a bathroom stop before you leave and subtly reshape your do.  Or you can wait until you get at least 3 doors down from the salon and restyle on the street or in your car.

 

I admit that I have stooped to both.  Sometimes you know that you are making a trade-off between health and style.  It’s a lot easier for you to style a full head of healthy hair on our own than to let a careless stylist hook you up once and then send you on a “hair project” pilgrimage.

 

One of my friends told me that she did the bold move of actually grabbing her stylist’s comb at the station to style her own hair right in front of the stylist.  She basically punked her stylist.  I have seen this happen once in a salon but minutes later a more senior stylist stepped in to rescue the pissed off client.  In my friend’s case the stylist actually admitted that my friend made an improvement.  Miracles do happen.

 

Another friend always says that no one can do her hair like she does.  Sometimes that is true.  Unless you are Oprah, most likely you are styling your own hair more than anyone else.  You know the look that makes you feel like your best you.  There is nothing like staring in the mirror at a hair style that doesn’t reflect the woman that you are.  It’s like you are looking at a stranger. You ask yourself “is that who she thinks that I am?”

 

Please send me any other ideas of how to navigate a bad hair style.  I may need it one day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

To Tip or Not to Tip…that is the question

 

Photo from iStockphoto.com

Some fellow Hair-nistas and I sat around this week talking about tipping at a hair salon.  What is the appropriate tip to give for each visit to the hair salon? 

 

My opinion about tipping has evolved since I first graduated from college.  When I first became an “every two week” person, I did not know that I was supposed to tip anyone.  I figured that I was paying enough for the cost of the service.  I assumed that the salon owner set his/her prices at a rate that covered the cost of the hair products, labor, rent, electricity, and whatever else was required to keep the salon open. 

 

Then, I noticed that the women who “greased” the palms a bit got better on-going service.  Today, when I give a good tip, I feel like I am signaling that I want to become one of my stylist’s best clients.

 

It does get more complicated when a stylist has several assistants or the stylists in the salon help each other with clients to keep the flow moving.  One of my Hair-nista friends said that her stylist’s assistant actually does most of the routine but critical tasks for her like, shampooing and roller-sets.   In that case, how much should you tip the main stylist for basically just combing your hair?

 

In my over-analytical approach, I usually try to divide the tip by the percentage of time that I actually spend with each person.  I calculate my total tip value based on 15% of my services and then would give 75% to main stylist and 25% to assistant if the assistant actually did 25% of the work.

 

In my experience, the hair salon is usually not a high pressure tipping environment.  At least in front of your face, the salon staff is always very thankful for your business.  Maybe the person handling your payment may ask, “do you need singles” as she is returning your change to help facilitate leaving a tip.  This is by far not a pressured situation.  We have all experienced the pressure tip situation, like with the airport baggage handlers.  Unlike the hair stylists, the handlers make you feel uncivilized if you don’t come out the pocket for gratuity. 

 

But at the hair salon, sometimes there is a subtle undercurrent with the assistants.  You can sense that the assistants are sizing you up thinking, “should I go out of my way for this chick?  Is she actually going to tip me?”  You ever had one of those late appointments before the shop is about the close.  Before the assistant goes off duty you kind of feel her hovering around so that it is clear that this is your last chance to make things right and reach into your purse for a tip.

 

Another friend asked the group, “What is really going above and beyond for service as opposed to just doing the basics?”  I guess the answer depends on what you value most about the experience.  For me, valuing my time and concern about the health of my hair is most important.  What do you do when you need to book an appointment during non-standard salon hours or to get squeezed in so that you impress the cutie that you met last week on your first date?  Accumulated goodwill goes a long way with the stylist.

 

Here is what I found out about tipping…

 

According to www.Tipping.org,

 

One person- 15% of the bill

Several people- 10% to the person who sets hair and 10% divided amongst others

Owner-None unless he or she is doing your hair (then above rules)

Shampoo girl- $1-2

 

 

Are You Best Friends with Your Hair Stylist?

 

© Kathy Wynn | Dreamstime.com

How social are you with your hair stylist?  Do you prefer to be anonymous or do your try to become close enough to include her on the guest list for your wedding?  Personally, my comfort level is somewhere in between.

Years ago on a referral from a friend, I went to a salon in Brooklyn, NY that treated everyone like a number.  Literally, the salon identified clients by the time you walked into the door.  When I checked in at the front desk, the receptionist noted the time that I arrived and wrote it on a label.  To my dismay, she fastened the label to my shoulder.  This is one of those “oh no, she didn’t” moments.  For the entire time that I waited, I was known as “1:30.” 

 

The stylists walked around on occasion to check the time stamps on everyone’s shoulders.  I never figured out their system.  When it was my time, the receptionist called out “1:30.”  Oh, I guess that is me, I said.  Honestly, I don’t remember how my hair turned out but I knew that the deli meat section treatment was not my style.

 

On the other hand, I have developed very friendly relationships with stylists.  I define friendly by close enough that I felt compelled to bring over a plate of food after Thanksgiving.  If I needed my hair done in a pinch, she would make an extra effort to fit me into the schedule.  Dealing with a busy schedule and hair vanity, I always value feeling like a VIP in the salon.  If all I have to do is chat it up and leave a decent tip, it is well worth the effort.

 

The problem only begins when you decide to part ways.  You may think to yourself “did I get too emotionally invested.”  If you are too attached you cannot objectively evaluate the services that you receive.  In addition, you may feel obligated to overly consider your impact on the stylist’s cash flow in the event that you walk away.  All of a sudden you start thinking more about her ability to pay her bills and her desire to go back to school than your own unhappiness with the level of service and/or her styling.

 

I do believe that the more the stylist understands how you live, the better he can help you achieve your goals.  You should mean more to him than the woman who needs Brown #17 every 6 weeks. 

 

I like to treat my stylist like a trusted beauty advisor.  You need to share enough information with your stylist so that he can give you his professional opinion about your hair.  Sometimes a discussion about your weekend plans will trigger follow-up questions about what you need to include in your hair care regimen.

 

I like to think that this lies somewhere between nameless hands manipulating my hair and maid of honor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Trim? I’ll Wait Until Next Time

When your stylist pulls out the scissors from her station do you react with fear?  Why is our reaction to the sight of scissors the same as surgery?

 

“I just want my hair to be long,” one of my friends told me.  I asked her where does health fit into the equation.  We have all seen a sista that holds on to damaged hair for way too long.  The ends are badly frazzled like the end of a rug but still she swings her hair with a confidence.  You don’t have the heart to tell the sista directly that she needs to clip her ends. You imagine that her stylist has already had this conversation with her to no avail.

 

Since many black women are so obsessed with length any actions to shorten the hair is seen as negative and requires some sort of negotiation at the salon.  There is a distinction between a trim and a cut in most women’s minds.  The pricing on the service list suggests that there is a difference but sometimes the stylists treat them as the same.

 

With a cut, there is some sort of mental preparation.  For instance, you may know that you need to make a drastic cut because you are transitioning from a relaxer.  Or, you expect the stylist to take off 3 inches so that you can achieve the brand new look that you picked out from the beauty magazine that you just showed the stylist.  But with a trim, there is an element of unknown.

 

Stylists know that we are scared of “the trim.”  Some stylists try the tough guy route.  “I would be playing myself if I don’t cut more.”  This is what one stylist told me on my hair journey.  He basically made me feel like an aggressive trim was my only option if I wanted my hair to look attractive and healthy.  I have also experienced the sneak attack where you blink your eyes and next thing you know you see an inch of hair floating down to the ground.  After the ambush, you get the shrug that suggests that it is too late to stop now.  That is when you close your eyes and try to remember whether you left a hat in your bag or in the back seat of your car.

 

Stylists with a more evolved chair-side manner will gently ask, “Is it okay if I clip your ends today.”  They usually add a specific length to try to reassure us.  “Only ¼ inch, I promise.”  You then at least have the chance to visualize the impact.  It is always great to have the type of relationship with your stylist where you can trust that ¼ inch is really just ¼ inch.  With that trust, there is less fear and you feel free to tell the stylist to just “go for it.”

Top 7 Signs It’s Time to Look for a New Stylist

 

Photo: Punchstock

 

1)     You seem to have more and more “creative differences” with your stylist.

 

I once left a salon because I had to keep begging to get a roller set.  The stylist preferred how hair laid with a blow out.  We would then get into a theoretical debate on what is better for your hair.  On another occasion, a stylist said that he was “bored” of doing my hair the way I liked it.  I told him “I’m sorry that my hair is not inspiring you today.”

 

2)     You have heard the line “she is on her way” one too many times.

 

Imagine racing from your job or errands to arrive at the salon only to hear “she is on her way.”  It really makes you feel like your time is not valued.  Thanks, I am “on my way” to another salon.

 

3)     You start to feel like the money that you are spending is not worth the results.

 

It’s unrealistic to expect miracles but if your stylist brags that he caters to “high-end” or celebrity clients (translation you are paying a pretty penny) and your hair only looks decent, there is a problem.  I guess it’s like the old Suave TV commercial when they ask you to choose which woman uses the expensive shampoo.  Who wants to be the chick on the right who over-paid for average results?

 

4)     The salon atmosphere is not consistent with your personal values.

 

This really is a matter of personal taste.  Some women like that beauty salon to feel like going to a party. The sound system plays the latest CD, women chat across dryers and laugh together.  The shampoo girl doubles as a stand-up comedian telling endless routines.  Others would prefer more of a day spa experience with mellow background music that enables one to get lost in her own thoughts.

 

5)     You realize that your stylist does not have a license.

 

The licensing requirements differ from state to state but you are rolling the dice if you allow an unlicensed stylist to do your hair.  Most people are familiar with looking up on the wall in the stylist’s station area for the framed license.  In some states, the shampoo assistants have formal license requirements.  Most state cosmetology boards (http://www.nictesting.org/websites.htm) allow you to query online to check the status of individual licenses.

 

6)     You realize that your stylist always triple-books your appointment time and each visit becomes an all-day event.

 

When you visit the salon as a walk-in, most people understand that there may be a wait.   Most people are less understanding when they actually go through the process of making an appointment.  When it becomes standard to have a 12 pm appointment but not make it close to the chair until 1 pm and then not leave the salon until 5 pm, many women start to lose patience.  Some of us have learned to shrug it off by saying “that’s just how black salons are.”  I remember on my prom day, my mother and I arrived at a salon at 8 am to join a line of others waiting to get their hair done.  I didn’t leave the salon until 2 or 3 pm.  For me this visit was only for a special occasion, but many of the others in line went through this experience every week.  As an adult, I demand more respect for my time.

 

7)     Your stylist suggests techniques that you know are inappropriate or would be harmful to your hair.

 

When your hair stylist talks about applying relaxer around the edges (“halo” relaxer) and other techniques that are not endorsed by the hair product manufacturers, just get out of the chair.  One bad visit could lead to 6 months to a year of trying to repair the problem created by the stylist inappropriately handling your hair.

 

If you need to help to “woman up” to break up with your hair sytlist, see my earlier post on the subject.  Please send me your lists…

 

Just Washing and Conditioning

Remember the classic Sinbad comedy routine about hair in the late 80s?  “Girl, what are you doing with your hair, it’s just growing,” one woman says.  “Oh, I am just washing and conditioning it,” her friend responds.  He was talking about making up an explanation for hair “growth” due to a weave.  All weaves aside, washing and conditioning is key.

 

I will highlight great finds that may or may not be behind the bowl at your salon but that may be worth checking out.

 

Nexxus Humectress Conditioner does wonders for damaged hair from over-processing or in need of some TLC to rescue from dryness.  Some may be skeptical about this line catering to the varying textures of our hair but this conditioner is worth its weight (it retails at local drug stores at about $13 for the 13.5 oz bottle).  I have been using it on my own hair that was excessively dry from abuse from a no-lye relaxer.  I have noticed that my hair has regained a softness that even my stylist noticed after a few weeks of use.

 

Check it out and let me know if it works for you.

 

More Than a Tingle-Know Your Relaxer

Why do so many women view changing the chemical structure of their hair so lightly?  I think that the decision to maintain a relaxed style is a personal one that is not inherently good or bad.  The problem is that most of us only know about how to watch out for the “tingle.”

 

I have been a victim myself.  I started seeing advertisements for “sensitive scalp” formula relaxers.  These ads spoke to me since I have always “burned easily.”  Although my hair was very healthy, I thought maybe I could use some extra protection on my scalp so I asked my stylist about the no-lye formula.  The extent of our consultation was “yeah, we have that I will put it in.”  I blame myself for not doing any further research.  I always do research before buying a TV, a book, or even trying new medication. 

 

But for a relaxer, I assumed that no-lye was going to be better than lye.  I knew that the chemical in most lye relaxers, sodium hydroxide, is also found in drain cleaners.  I got tired of trying to “woman up” to make it through the processing of my coarse hair to straight, although I enjoyed my straight hairstyle.

 

What I didn’t know was that no-lye relaxers are also made from harsh chemicals, such as one called guanidine hydroxide, that can be damaging if not properly applied.  More importantly, I did not know that the advantages, which were less than I hoped for, were offset by harshness on my hair.  The ingredients in no-lye relaxers actually cause each hair strand to swell more (the cause of breakage) than in lye relaxers.  I discovered this firsthand when my once healthy hair began to shed and my hair became excessively dry.  I learned later that these are very common reactions to no-lye relaxers.

 

After dealing with the effects of blindly switching from a lye to a no-lye relaxer  I did some research.  I learned that some stylists believed that all no-lye relaxers did harm.  But I also heard from others that said that the performance really depended on the natural oils that your hair produced.  Since my hair was normally dry, I was always at risk with using a no-lye relaxer.

 

The Science of Healthy Hair by Chuck Caple references a study that showed that there is not a major difference from Mild to Super amongst one Relaxer brand but that there can be a significant difference in the Mild of Relaxer A to the Mild of Relaxer B.

 

I guess the moral of the story is to know what kind of chemicals you put in your hair.

Talk Before You Sit

What kind of conversations do you have with your hairdresser?  Is it just “part on the right, please?” If so, you may be putting your hair at risk.  It is a good idea to take the time to discuss your goals (growth, repair, etc.) with a future stylist before sitting in a new chair.

 

After breaking up with my hairdresser, I decided that I really needed to interview the next stylist that I would give the chance to work with my hair.  Yes, the chance.  Over the course of a year, I, like many black women, spend over $1,000 a year on my hair.

 

I went to several friends and got recommendations of hairdressers that might be worthwhile.  I scheduled consultations with each one to ask about their approach with handling damaged hair.  I wanted to figure out what I should and could do to return to healthy hair.  It is amazing how many of us will get multiple opinions on other things that may affect our health.  But when it comes to a stylist, we lean back in the bowl and hope that we have the same amount of hair when we get back up. 

 

I found the experience very enlightening.  At each consultation, I asked each stylist the same questions and compared each answer.  One was a no-show at the consultation.  Another had a “one size fits all” approach and only used a small list of products regardless of an individual’s hair condition.  These conversations helped me to get a sense of what it would be like to visit for an appointment.

 

Overall, I learned that having meaningful conversations before you sit in a new chair has many benefits:

 

1) You can share critical history about your hair.

 

It is hard for the hair stylist to recommend the best care for your hair if she doesn’t know what you have already put it through.  For instance, if your old hairdresser used a no-lye relaxer and then your new stylist proceeds with a lye relaxer without asking, you will put your hair under undue stress.  As a result, many women can experience excess shedding and dryness that could have been avoided if only the stylist knew the complete story.

 

2) You may prevent an unnecessary allergic reaction.

 

Often hair stylists do not mention all the sprays, oils, and creams that they apply on your hair.  Stylists seem to enjoy whipping bottles from cabinets high and low and then dashing the containers back in their stations.  You are expected to sit back and trust.  The problem is that you never know whether one of those quick sprays will lead you to skin issues, especially if you already know that you have sensitive skin.  If you have a known allergy, it may be worthwhile to discuss products with your stylist early on in the relationship.

 

3) You can discover your stylist is more focused on style than “care”.

 

When your hairdresser starts to cut corners on chemical procedures (i.e. coloring too close after a relaxer) for the sake of “hooking your hair up,” it is already too late.  You want to know upfront if she has your hair’s best health at heart.  A stylist focused on health will examine your hair thoroughly before attempting any potentially harmful approach.  Perhaps, you accept the fact that hair care is not one of your stylist’s strengths.  At the very least, you do not want her to do anything that will likely damage your hair.

  

4) You may learn that you are dealing with a rookie.

 

Not that there is anything wrong with a stylist broadening his arsenal of techniques but does it have to be on your head.  “I can do twists,” he says.  Does that mean that he has a whole list of clients that have praised him for his ability to do twists or does he mean that he remembers that from beauty school?  An honest conversation would help set expectations.