More Than a Tingle-Know Your Relaxer

Why do so many women view changing the chemical structure of their hair so lightly?  I think that the decision to maintain a relaxed style is a personal one that is not inherently good or bad.  The problem is that most of us only know about how to watch out for the “tingle.”

 

I have been a victim myself.  I started seeing advertisements for “sensitive scalp” formula relaxers.  These ads spoke to me since I have always “burned easily.”  Although my hair was very healthy, I thought maybe I could use some extra protection on my scalp so I asked my stylist about the no-lye formula.  The extent of our consultation was “yeah, we have that I will put it in.”  I blame myself for not doing any further research.  I always do research before buying a TV, a book, or even trying new medication. 

 

But for a relaxer, I assumed that no-lye was going to be better than lye.  I knew that the chemical in most lye relaxers, sodium hydroxide, is also found in drain cleaners.  I got tired of trying to “woman up” to make it through the processing of my coarse hair to straight, although I enjoyed my straight hairstyle.

 

What I didn’t know was that no-lye relaxers are also made from harsh chemicals, such as one called guanidine hydroxide, that can be damaging if not properly applied.  More importantly, I did not know that the advantages, which were less than I hoped for, were offset by harshness on my hair.  The ingredients in no-lye relaxers actually cause each hair strand to swell more (the cause of breakage) than in lye relaxers.  I discovered this firsthand when my once healthy hair began to shed and my hair became excessively dry.  I learned later that these are very common reactions to no-lye relaxers.

 

After dealing with the effects of blindly switching from a lye to a no-lye relaxer  I did some research.  I learned that some stylists believed that all no-lye relaxers did harm.  But I also heard from others that said that the performance really depended on the natural oils that your hair produced.  Since my hair was normally dry, I was always at risk with using a no-lye relaxer.

 

The Science of Healthy Hair by Chuck Caple references a study that showed that there is not a major difference from Mild to Super amongst one Relaxer brand but that there can be a significant difference in the Mild of Relaxer A to the Mild of Relaxer B.

 

I guess the moral of the story is to know what kind of chemicals you put in your hair.

Talk Before You Sit

What kind of conversations do you have with your hairdresser?  Is it just “part on the right, please?” If so, you may be putting your hair at risk.  It is a good idea to take the time to discuss your goals (growth, repair, etc.) with a future stylist before sitting in a new chair.

 

After breaking up with my hairdresser, I decided that I really needed to interview the next stylist that I would give the chance to work with my hair.  Yes, the chance.  Over the course of a year, I, like many black women, spend over $1,000 a year on my hair.

 

I went to several friends and got recommendations of hairdressers that might be worthwhile.  I scheduled consultations with each one to ask about their approach with handling damaged hair.  I wanted to figure out what I should and could do to return to healthy hair.  It is amazing how many of us will get multiple opinions on other things that may affect our health.  But when it comes to a stylist, we lean back in the bowl and hope that we have the same amount of hair when we get back up. 

 

I found the experience very enlightening.  At each consultation, I asked each stylist the same questions and compared each answer.  One was a no-show at the consultation.  Another had a “one size fits all” approach and only used a small list of products regardless of an individual’s hair condition.  These conversations helped me to get a sense of what it would be like to visit for an appointment.

 

Overall, I learned that having meaningful conversations before you sit in a new chair has many benefits:

 

1) You can share critical history about your hair.

 

It is hard for the hair stylist to recommend the best care for your hair if she doesn’t know what you have already put it through.  For instance, if your old hairdresser used a no-lye relaxer and then your new stylist proceeds with a lye relaxer without asking, you will put your hair under undue stress.  As a result, many women can experience excess shedding and dryness that could have been avoided if only the stylist knew the complete story.

 

2) You may prevent an unnecessary allergic reaction.

 

Often hair stylists do not mention all the sprays, oils, and creams that they apply on your hair.  Stylists seem to enjoy whipping bottles from cabinets high and low and then dashing the containers back in their stations.  You are expected to sit back and trust.  The problem is that you never know whether one of those quick sprays will lead you to skin issues, especially if you already know that you have sensitive skin.  If you have a known allergy, it may be worthwhile to discuss products with your stylist early on in the relationship.

 

3) You can discover your stylist is more focused on style than “care”.

 

When your hairdresser starts to cut corners on chemical procedures (i.e. coloring too close after a relaxer) for the sake of “hooking your hair up,” it is already too late.  You want to know upfront if she has your hair’s best health at heart.  A stylist focused on health will examine your hair thoroughly before attempting any potentially harmful approach.  Perhaps, you accept the fact that hair care is not one of your stylist’s strengths.  At the very least, you do not want her to do anything that will likely damage your hair.

  

4) You may learn that you are dealing with a rookie.

 

Not that there is anything wrong with a stylist broadening his arsenal of techniques but does it have to be on your head.  “I can do twists,” he says.  Does that mean that he has a whole list of clients that have praised him for his ability to do twists or does he mean that he remembers that from beauty school?  An honest conversation would help set expectations.

Breaking up with a Hair Stylist

I think that I need to move on.  I am just not happy anymore.  He used to make me feel like a million bucks but now I don’t feel like I am appreciated.  Although I keep coming back, I don’t know why.  I know that I can do better. 

 

How do I break up with my hair stylist?  This was the thought that consumed me for the start of the year.  I had been going to the same stylist for almost two years but my bad hair days started to outweigh my good hair days.  Not that Sean* was a bad guy but I thought that my hair deserved the chance to be turned over to someone else’s talented hands.

 

Do I start seeing other stylists and not say anything?  I know that Sean would know if my ends were trimmed differently let alone if my 6 weeks of new growth suddenly disappeared.  Do I try to creep over to the stylist two chairs down?  It really isn’t worth the drama.  I could only imagine the cold stare I would earn if I did that.

 

Do I try to salvage the relationship?  We had been through a lot.  He was there to listen when I broke up with my boyfriend.  He shut up and just massaged my scalp after a bad day at work.

 

Then I remembered the feeling of getting a surprise full inch “trim.”  The ever more frequent debate that I had to endure about whether my hair was ever going to regain it’s glory began to grate my last nerve.  “Maybe your hair just can’t grow any longer,” Sean said.  “Yes, it can… I have pictures,” I answered.  You know that I almost brought in old pictures to set him straight but then I realized that the hair salon should not be on the same level as a presidential debate.

 

So, we broke it off.  I called him and said that I needed to go in a different direction with my hair.  I felt like I owed him more than to just do “the fade.”  He said, good luck.  We ended it on good terms.